Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Selling My Independence

This week was a big milestone in my journey of acceptance. I am actually quite surprised that I did it and finally let go of something I had been holding on to so tightly.

Probably slightly melodramatic, but I sold my independence this week, my beloved car. I had bought my car brand new almost five years ago to the day. After driving around in hand me down cars (including a red, seven-seater Mercedes Benz station wagon from before I was born), I had finally splurged on a shiny, fresh new car. I was very attached to my car, it had travelled with me through so many life events and it was like my solace where I could feel calm and even have a cry. Ok it does sound like I was in a relationship with my car but since I'd driven for 10 years I had really gotten used to having it.

I should have stopped driving a few years ago although I didn't stop (and I in no way recommend doing this). I continued to drive locally to and from work. As my sight deteriorated I realised I had to let go, I had to give it up. In March this year I made the decision that I was going to let go, I wasn't going to drive again and I was going to literally start from the bottom and learn to be independent in a new way. This caused me great anxiety and stress and by no means has it been easy or am I close to being entirely independent. I grew to rely on driving, I never caught public transport, so I'm literally learning how to do everything again with poor vision. 

I tried to find a reason to keep my car - someone in my family would drive it, I could give it to my brother, we could have a spare car, but deep down I knew it was pointless. I put it up for sale a month ago, grudgingly. 

As the weeks past I still tried to find reasons to keep it and more people came to look at it. Once I found a buyer, the few days before they picked the car up I started to think to myself I should just keep it and I didn't want to give it up. The morning they came to pick it up, I paced around the yard and my anxiety levels grew. I knew I had to do it and I knew that once I did I would feel stronger.

It was actually easier than I thought (possibly helped my a massive envelope of cash). It was even empowering. I was proud of myself. I had let go. I had let go of something I had been holding onto for many years. I knew I could do it, that I could face this new chapter. 

And here I am. Car-less, less independent perhaps but with a greater level of determination. Of the years I have been battling Stargardt's, this week definitely was a big step for me. Onwards and upwards!


  1. That's alright. There are more than a few understandable reasons and factors involved for that decision, though your capacity for independence goes beyond having a car right now, especially when you can purchase another one later. Independence is all about having options or at least believing that possibility. You'll get another one in no time. All the best!

    Rhonda Burgess @ Bob Dunn Hyundai

    1. Thank you for your support! I plan on buying a really expensive sports car when I can in the future!!

  2. I had to do the same at 30. It's hard, but walking gives me some independence back. It's been almost 3 years, it is what it is, it does suck. I feel for you. Make sure you have someone you can talk to, to talk it out with. It's emotional adjusting. It'll be fine and remember services like Uber and Lyft are there. :)

    1. I miss my car quite a bit! I will look into Uber I prefer something like that service rather than standard taxis :)

  3. Believe that you can, Chrissy. Your attachment to the car doesn’t define your independence. In fact, I think you gained more independence by being carless, since you no longer have to rely on a single vehicle to take you to your destinations. Not that I’m suggesting you shouldn’t buy another one when you can. Haha! Anyway, good luck with your car hunt!

    Damon Sherman @ Butler Auto Hyundai

  4. I’m sorry to hear about how you felt when you parted ways with your car. It’s really hard to give up driving, since you’re doing it for so many years, but that's alright. You need to try new things by being independent, and that requires a greater level of determination. At least now you can enjoy the freedom of public transportation and the benefits of walking. Hahaha! Thanks for sharing that, Chrissy! All the best to you!

    Diane Wilson @ fletcher chrysler